This past few weeks had been so hectic for me. Lots of things happened. I’ve met new faces and experienced new things. I am thankful that God allowed all of those difficult situations to shape me as a beautiful diamond. It is not easy to become who you really are when you are forced to blend into an entirely different environment with different people made up of various personalities. It is a challenge for me to stay the person I am. There is always a conflict inside me—whether I have to become the same like them or to stand firm according to my own standards.
I’ve began my 5th semester with a tough start. There are so many laughs, tears, anger, joy and gratitude. One problem came after another. I often felt so lost, not knowing where to go. However, Jesus felt so closer than before as I searched deeper for the peace that He promises among the chaos of life. I am aware that when I don’t have a tight grip onto Him, I will be destroyed. Worship songs and Bible verses kept reminding me of how big God’s love is for me and for the lost people. In difficult situations when I was very exhausted, He answered my prayers—although it was only an answer to simple requests coming from me.
As days passed by, it is getting clearer that adulthood is not so much fun at all when you imagined it as a little kid. I’ve always thought that being a grown-up is all about watching TV as much as you like, or having ice cream when you want to. But it turned out that being an adult is becoming another version of a child, but with greater problems in a bigger world with a whole new level of difficulties. This is the point where I need to hold on tight to my Father’s hand and allow Him to take the lead in my life.
One month ago, I was sitting silently on the bench in front of my campus’ soccer field. It was noon, and I was having my break time for my university’s freshmen orientation preparation. I was in the middle of my toughest moment that time—to blend into the new environment I just got in (because I participated as a committee in that event). Sometimes I wondered, will my friends accept who I am? Everything felt so... strange and new. To be honest, I was scared. As I opened my phone, there was this daily Bible notification that popped a verse on my screen. “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye (Psalm 32:8) ,” says the Lord. My heart stopped, and I felt like crying. God had just answered my thoughts. It did not only stop there. In the following days, new verses kept coming. All of them exactly suited my situations. They were like letters written for me, countering my insecurities:
Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved – Psalms 55:22
And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:19
Through these verses, I can see that God is asking me to lean on Him entirely despite the tribulations in my life. Umm...sure, I will do it. However, this seems like Jesus is preparing me to do something greater in my life. A football coach will ask his trainees to practice kicking the ball in the mud or in the water in order to make them run faster in the soccer field when the enemies come chasing in. The athletes must be well-prepared, or they will lose the match once they are not physically fit and trained. This is what exactly God is doing in my life. If so, then, what does He want with my life?
I found out the answer 5 minutes ago in my black notebook. A big tittle was scribbled down on the edge of the page when I wrote my insights on the Word on June 11, 2018. The title was ‘DEDICATING MY YOUTH’. I recorded what I got from Jesus when I was struggling with my relationship area. That time, I doubted myself; am I walking towards the direction God wants me to go? Where does God wants me to go? It turns out that Jesus wants the best part in my life—my youth.
1. Focusing on God
First, focusing on what God has does not mean that I have to centralize all my activity towards church-ish stuff. If one thinks that focusing on God is only about being busy with all the religious events (like going to church or serving in the ministry), then he got it wrong. Christianity is not a religion. It is about our relaitonship with God and with people. When we focus on what God is telling us to do, it means that we have to sit still, listen and seek Him like Mary, the sister of Martha.
I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me. - Proverbs 8.17
In all your ways, acknowledge Him. -Proverbs 3.6
2. Serve God With Our Youth
Second, God does not want our ministry at all, but our heart. We do it by obeying what he says, not out of fear but out of love—like a child who loves his father very much. And by His grace, we are able to do what He wants us to do.
Through Him we have received grace and apostleship for obedience to the faith among all nations for His name. -Romans 2
Serving God with our youth also means to give every single area of our life to Him, including our love relationship, academic areas, finance, our thoughts and words—everything. God wants 100% of our life, not 99.9% of it. If Jesus is not Lord over all areas of our life, then He is not Lord at all.
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your strength.
- Deuteronomy 6:4
When we let God use our life in our youth, we are showing that we are trusting in him entirely because we are giving the best part of our life to Him. We are giving Christ our golden ticket and letting Him use the best moments where we feel alive to become more alive than before. It is the same thing like jumping off a collapsing cliff and knowing that someone is already down there to catch us.
Trust in the Lord with all you heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all you ways acknowledge him, and He shall direct your paths. - Proverbs 3:6
3. Guard What God Has Trusted Us
Third, salvation is not something cheap. Jesus died on the cross so we can be saved—despite all the things we’ve done. He’s always there to forgive us. However, when we accept the challenge to follow Christ for the rest of our lives, our lives must show that something had changed. It is just a mere lie if we say that we are followers of Christ but our actions shows the oposite of it. In fact, to be a newborn Christian is a privelege, because we are given the chance to start over again. We dare to be different from the rest of the people. Guard what Jesus has given you, because your life is valuable.
Let not mercy and truth forsake you. Bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. -Proverbs 3:3
To give up my youth for God is a challenge. I dare to be different. And I have the faith in Jesus that He will direct my paths. I also believe that He is letting every situations to shape me as a more beautiful diamond in His eyes. He has purpose in our lives, and God can use anybody to make it come true, including you and I. It is only a matter of our will whether we want to dedicate our lives or not, whether we want to really look for him or not. As C.S. Lewis (my favorite author and writer of The Chronicles of Narnia) quoted:
“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.”
Deborah K.
Agusut 4 2018, Jogjakarta.
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